Friday, January 13, 2012

The Aunt/Uncle Title Status Question

My older sister, Natalie, is a newlywed. She married a fantastic young Marine named Seth. I would describe their romance as "whirlwind" since they went from their first day to married in under 2 years.  Eric and I have been dating for 4 years, so their relationship is whirlwind if you ask me. But Natalie has always been a go getter, and she knows what she wants and she makes it happen. I've always admired that about her. Seth has three, yes three, children from his first marriage, and so Natalie is now a Step-Mom. And that makes me a Step-Aunt to three, yes three, kids. My family has grown instantly and exponentially (well maybe not exponentially, but you get what I mean.)

I've spent a good amount of time with my new niece and nephews. They live a mere 4.5 hours away in my home town. In fact, as I sit at my Mom and Dad's counter writing this post, they are here in this house, where they live with my sis and bro-in-law every other week. The youngest, a boy, has been running in and out of the kitchen watching his dad make pizza, telling us about a video game that involves gold pieces and a zen garden. I kind of want to go see this video game...kind of. I like these kids a lot, and I wonder if they like me. I think they do. They are always very nice to me. And they don't sulk or act out when I'm around. These are good signs right? Eric is an Uncle. He has been an uncle for 18 years. He takes this responsibility and relationship very seriously. It's shocking, really, how involved he remains in his 18 year old nieces lives. What I find shocking about it is not that he cares, but that they, the nieces, care! They call him. Not as much now as when they were 14, but still a lot. And they tell him about their lives. Their parents are probably jealous of Eric's knowledge about what's going on their teenagers lives. When we first started dating I found this relationship shocking (as I mentioned before) but now I am used to it. I think it's wonderful. I have Uncles. My parents had 2 brothers each, and those brothers have wives, some have had several wives (not as once), so I've had my share of aunts and uncles. But I never called them. I liked them fine, but I never felt a real kinship with any of them, no more than the rest of my parent's friends who were a part of my life when I was 10. However,  I did have an "aunt" who is not an aunt at all, only a dear friend of my mother's and I loved her. I still do. I was excited when she came to visit. I'm not sure why. Maybe being a step-aunt is a little like that.  Because being a step parent is a little like that too. You are someone selected by the parent to be a permanent and important fixture in their children's lives (as well as their own.)

My new niece and nephews don't call me Auntie. They are not expected to. Eric is anti fake aunt and uncles. I think he thinks as a "real" uncle who has been deeply involved in his nieces' and nephew's lives since their infancy, he deserves the title, whereas a friend of the parent hasn't earned that title. I disagree. "Title Shmitle", I say. It's the impact that you have in someones life that should earn you a title, and I'd like to earn my full Auntie status with these kids. So I show up. I listen to my sister tell me everything about them. I went to Disneyland and Medieval Times with them as a mini honey moon trip. The youngest one (my secret favorite because he held my hand at Disneyland and sat in my lap when we rode the Matterhorn) is learning the guitar and really likes Eric and so do I, so we have that in common. I don't really expect them to ever call me Aunt Adrienne, but I hope that one day they consider me a part of their lives. Soon my sister and her Marine will have some kids of their own and then there will be no question about this Aunt/Uncle title status question, but until then, I better go check out this video game with the gold pieces and the Zen Garden.

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