I really enjoyed being a kid. In fact, as I remember it, I had no real interest in growing up. I wasn't freakish about it. I'm not Peter Pan for Christ Sake, but I actively enjoyed childhood while I was living it. I didn't beg my parent's to get me a training bra at 8, I didn't start dating super early, I didn't have fantasies about driving/smoking/voting (do kids ever fantasise about voting?) However, this psychological late blooming I was engaged in has stunted me a bit, I fear. Because, now that I am grown up, I have trouble behaving like a grown up. In fact, I am constantly confronted with my lack of knowledge and basic interest in all things adult, and I feel bad about it.
A few things that keep me from feeling like a true adult lady might be:
- I don't own any adult shoes. Now, I own a few pairs of heels and I wear them to weddings and occasionally to events in Hollywood, but they hurt and I'm not used to standing on my tipy-toes and I'm uncomfortable being that tall so they mostly stay in the closet. But some grown up women wear heels every day. Or they were boots with little heels. All my boots are uggs. I have several pairs. My other shoes are red dansko mary janes, old black ballet flats and Toms which I thought was very grown up of me since my purchase also guaranteed I was donating a pair of shoes to a shoeless child somewhere, but then I read that Tom donated a lot of money to stop gay marriage so now I just feel like I've been had.
-I don't own stock. That's not true actually. 4 years ago my father gave me a little money that he wanted to invest for me. We agreed that we would invest "my" money in Apple Computers and Green Energy. Instead, he decided to invest in an Indian Automobile Company called TaTa Motors that makes tiny cars for low income families in India. The stock is doing well, actually, so that is cool, but I wouldn't know how to check on it, sell or buy if my life depended on it.
-I just found out you have to replace car batteries. This isn't surprising, I guess, but since I was a New Yorker for so long and never drove, I don't know a lot about cars. I knew batteries ran out when you left the light on, etc. But I thought you could just keep recharging them FOREVER. I forget to take my car in for its maintenance. It was pretty recently that I released they whole "oil change" thing might be a good idea. I'm still not sure what "checking the fluids" is exactly, but I'm sure that I've done it at some point, right?
-The first people I call when ANYTHING happens/goes wrong are my parents. This, alas, will probably never change, so what's the point in talking about it.
So now I am always looking for ways to embrace the adult world because I feel like I should. However, whenever I do this, I regret it. A little over a year ago, I was elected to my condo community's Home Owners' Association (HOA) Board. I'm currently serving my second term and this year they made me President. It's THE WORST. Everyday my neighbors write me, call me, or knock on my front door to complain about problems with their condos. And because of my lack of knowledge about adult things, I never feel like I can help them. I'm not really supposed to. I call the vendors (the actual professionals with actual skills) and make introductions for someone to have their plumbing/walls/window leaks fixed. I am not paid for this adult responsibility which makes it THE SUPER WORST. I once ran into an acquaintance at a book store in echo park who said she was staying away from home that day to avoid a HOA meeting herself. She had made the same mistake that I did and joined her HOA board to feel more adult. And she's a successful actress. She was in the Mighty Ducks for crying out loud! If she doesn't feel like an adult, HOA Board or not, than what chance do I have?
Another adult thing that I have done and currently do that I regret is having a job. Other than going to school and being a Nanny, I have worked in 4 restaurants, two offices and two indi record labels and they were all THE WORST, (even the indi record labels, which I was surprised about too.) It's always repetitive, usually boring, and you have to go almost ever day. People expect you to be there. To honor your commitment. My mom always says that a lot of life is boring (a super adult thing to say), but she hasn't had a job in years so what the hell is she talking about? I realize this makes me sound very spoiled and out of touch. Of course I have a job. Everybody has a job, and the people who don't would like to be working. I know I am lucky to have a job in this economy, and as far as jobs go, it doesn't suck but, come on people, jobs are THE WORST.
Though despite my feelings that I am not an adult and my repulsion to most adult things that I do partake in, I know I am an adult because I have proof. I am not as flexible as I once was. I've attended my 10 year High School reunion. I have cute little blond hairs speckling the front of my dark raven locks (let's get real people, these hairs are not blond and they are not cute and they must be destroyed) and there is a biological clock that I, thankfully, can not actually hear ticking, but I feel deep down in my soul.
There are a few things I really like about being an adult, or at least looking enough like one that no one questions me, and they are as follows:
-No curfew
-Sex
-NPR
-Wine
And those are not in order of importance. Wine would be much closer to the top if they were.
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